An Internal Battle
by TrixAreForSquids
Summary: Beca knows she shouldn't fall for her friend, but how does she deal with her feelings? There are pros and cons to each side, see how Bechloe turns out. (Characters belong to Pitch Perfect, not me! Song lyrics are identified and do not belong to me either!)
1. Chapter 1: Meatball Sandwich

**Hi guys! I'm totally new to this, this is my first posted story ever. Write a review if you want, I'm open to suggestions on where to lead the story. Pitch Perfect does not belong to me, nor does this song (Billions of Eyes by Lady Lamb and the Beekeeper, which is italicized throughout.) Thanks!**

" _The clouds look a lot like wool gone through the wash_

 _I check my phone for the time but I still wear my watch_

 _Yeah, I'm confused about how_

 _I'm supposed to connect to anything now…"_

Beca squinted in frustration at the sky out of her bedroom window, where she took a break between midterm essays. The lyrics to one of her favorite undiscovered bands, Lady Lamb and the Beekeeper, drifted through her head. She wishes that studying the clouds would give her answers as studying her textbooks did. Her overly-stressed mind proceeded to wander naturally to things of comfort. Warm laundry, clam chowder, deep blue eyes. Cuddling with puppies, a geometric-patterned dress, lantern lights. Night rides, mixes, gorgeous red hair-

 _Stop it, you lunatic,_ she thought, self-correcting. _"Keep thinking like that and you'll lose your friends."_

It was an internal battle that she was facing, as of lately. She didn't know when it had started but wished she had seen the signs. Perhaps her sanity was still salvageable. It had to be. She didn't spend so much time and energy into changing with positive personal growth at Barden University. When she had first walked onto the campus, casting wary glances over her shoulder every minute or so, refusing to smile at eager orientation leaders and keeping her signature Beats cemented to her head, she was the last person to be labeled a socialite. She despised the type, scoffing at the seemingly endless boy-next-door passerby, diverting her attention from peppy girls who travelled in packs out of necessity.

Her dad, a professor of English Literature at Barden, forced her to attend the university. She used to think it was just another thing to slog through in her cursed life, but since has realized it was a Get Out of Jail Free card. Old Beca displayed outer moodiness but it served the purpose to mask inner insecurities and emotional development issues. She never wanted to go to Barden, in fact, she wrote off attending "an institution of higher learning" altogether in hopes to start her professional music career young.

But attending Barden turned out to be not just a game-changer, but a life-changer. A blessing in disguise, if you will.

She isn't the same old Beca anymore. Sure, she may still sport a sick ear cuff, alternative clothes, and a badass persona to back it all up; but Beca had friends now. Girls. The Barden Bellas. A social life. And as much as she hated it, emotions that she had to address. It was precisely these things that she was currently at odds with.

 _You are stronger than this, Beca. You can resist,_ she thought to herself. She decided to axe the essay writing for a little longer and trek to the Crab for second dinner.

Beca didn't care so much about the actual education she was getting. Funny, because people go to school for learning. She knew that the education part was supposed to be the meat of it, but she brushed it aside for the appetizers and dessert of the college experience. You see, Beca realized there was much more to college than the classroom shit. Relationships, friendships, one-night stands, winning, losing, bonding, minor law breaking, singing, and partying. She always was a vegetarian with a sweet tooth anyway.

But it seems that her sweet tooth has gotten her in trouble, and a trip to the dentist couldn't solve it. She contemplated the situation as she walked in the crisp fall air on the way to the Crab cafeteria. In high school, she wasn't one for relationships or opening up at all. Hell, she didn't even have a date to senior prom (not that she wanted to go, but it would have been nice to be asked). She was never doted on by parents or boys, mostly left to her brooding self. She never had anyone taking care of her, expressing affections, not even sweet nothings to hear.

" _Some days I can only see into my suitcase_

 _It's got everything I need-"_

"Ow! Dude what the fuck?!" Beca exclaimed in a mixture of shock and pain, watching the rest of her grapes and sandwich descend through the air and onto the floor as she stumbled forward from a force behind her. She stared at the food on the floor knowing the five second rule didn't apply when a hundred other student diners were watching.

"Oh Beca I'm so sorry. If you wanted a piece of this sexy meatball sandwich then you should've just asked," said Fat Amy, gesturing over her body. "Besides, little pips like you should eat something other than salad for every meal."

"Amy! I'll have you know that this is my second dinner of the night, and _that_ was the sexy meatball sandwich that I wanted," Beca shot back, gesturing to the actual meatball sandwich on the ground that had seen better days. "Besides, don't you go have Bumper to bang or cardio to skip?"

"Watch yourself Beca, I can eat twig bitches like you and still have room for dessert," she replied, but Beca saw her wink.

"Where are the rest of the girls?"

"We have a table by the window, we'll probably be here for a while longer," she said.

Beca retrieved non-floor food and headed to a table where Stacie, Lilly, Cynthia Rose, Chloe, and Aubrey sat. They greeted her warmly, and some of the stress of midterms and… other… issues almost seemed nonexistent. The girls were always aca-fun, as each member brought their own diversity and personality to the group. For a while, Beca knew she was the piece that didn't fit, but the Bellas were a group that molded to fit its members.

From the get-go, there had been space for her. She just didn't see it. This was largely in part to the gorgeous group matriarch, Chloe Beale. At Beca's last-minute audition of When I'm Gone which turned the uniformity of auditioners' performances of Since You've Been Gone into a shit show, Chloe knew she was special. Well technically, she discovered Beca's talent in a Titanium type of way in the dorm showers, surrounded by mold in between tiles and non-descript stalls in a communal bathroom. But Chloe likes to think that she was partially responsible for her acceptance on account of her pre-cursory unofficial audition. Chloe and Beca had struck a special friendship, with Chloe playing the supportive, comforting character to coax the once-hard spirited Beca out of her shell.

For this Beca was grateful. More than Chloe could ever know. The redhead was the type of person that people write songs for. As if reading her thoughts, Chloe looked up from across the table and met her eyes, smiling softly with glowing eyes.

" _It made me forget, made me forget, made me forget_

 _Made me forget everything…"_


	2. Chapter 2: Coffee and Concussions

Beca can't help it. When she listens to music. When she sees the trees respond to the autumn breeze. When she looks over the flat Georgia land at twilight from the roof of her dorm building (where she shouldn't be, but what campus security doesn't know can't hurt them). When she sees beauty, her mind always returns to the person that she knows of infinite beauty.

She knows where her mind shouldn't go. In her waking thoughts, she fights to push it away. But her subconscious fights this. She knows because it's the last place her mind goes before faltering to sleep. And when she wakes up in the morning, the glorious indeterminable time between dreams and conscious, the gap where light is fuzzy before eyes open, the body is floating before it is aware of its surroundings, where the stress and panic of the day cannot invade, it is in this in-between that Beca gets what she wants. Sometimes it is just the color of the baby blue eyes, or the burning ginger shade of hair. Sometimes she smells the amber and vanilla, can almost feel creamy skin. But always it disappears, fast enough that her eyes fly open and see the familiar band posters on her ceiling, smells the Febreeze on her sheets, feels cotton pajamas. As comfortable as her normal scenery is, she wishes she could feel all the things her subconscious wants to. She wishes she could have Chloe Beale.

She knows it's wrong on more levels than she can count. Beca knows that they're best friends and would rather see her mixing boards piledrived than ruin their precious friendship. But she feels so wrong keeping something from Chloe. They tell each other everything- their days, their jokes, their problems. They even text each other silly going-ons and conversations in the world around them, if they're apart. She knows that harboring intense feelings, more-than-friend feelings, for someone who trusts her so much is wrong.

But it is the trust that is the instigator of it all. The trust just stokes the fire, it was what attracted her to Chloe in the first place. She felt valued when the redhead addressed her. She knew that when Chloe was talking to her, Chloe was also ready to listen. Not just bark orders and dismiss her, like Aubrey. Chloe was different. When they first met, she could talk to her just as intimately as anyone else in the group of whom she had years of acquaintance with. Beca could see the life pouring out of Chloe, in all of her actions. Beca had never felt so valued by another person before. It was sad and she knew it, and it almost felt as Chloe cared about her just a little more than some of the other Bellas and students at Barden. Maybe she sensed Beca's brokenness.

Either way, she was drawn to her light like a moth. She wasn't sure if the light could ever be turned off, but whenever she was around Chloe, she was warmed by it, even occasionally burned if she got too close.

Beca would jump off the eleventh story balcony before she ever admitted it, but often times she felt pervasive loneliness. Even with the Bellas, she still felt as if something was missing from her life. She felt an emptiness that she didn't know how to fill. It used to be much worse before she had friends. But now that the brunette knew how much better life could be by letting people in, even just as friends, she was curious if a relationship could help fill the void. It took her almost a solid year to realize that Chloe helped keep hollowness at bay simply with her presence.

This was what propelled Beca into a sitting position, after four minutes of debate, to grab her phone off the nightstand to text Chloe.

 _Hey Chlo. Coffee before the day starts?_ Beca hit send. It was 9:23 a.m. She knew that she would have to start the study grind soon. It was Sunday, but Tuesday brought the first two of six midterm exams.

9:25 a.m., nearly an instantaneous reply. _Hey Becs! You betcha. Do you have any K-Cups left or should we go to Dutch Bros?_

Beca rolled off the bed and under it, throwing the lid off of her food box to see if she had K-Cups.

 _Please, please, please let there be some left_ , she begged herself.

She opened the box in suspense to find two chocolate brown flimsy plastic cups with textured foil lids left. Aha! She shot up, forgetting she was under the bed, slamming her skull into the black metal of the bed frame.

She slumped back onto the floor, and raised her phone back to her face.

 _K-Cups in supply, no BYOK or Dutch necessary._ She typed out. _But bring an icepack for me_ she added. 9:28 a.m.

 _KK! See ya in a jiffy!_ Chloe replied in the same minute.

A short twenty minutes later Beca heard a soft knock at the door, and the redhead swiftly entered.

"What if I hadn't been decent, you asshole?" Beca said, pretending to be bewildered at Chloe's lack of hesitation upon entry.

"Well don't pretend like its something that I haven't seen before!" Chloe said, winking and sending a blush upon the shorter girl's cheeks.

Beca turned away quickly to hide her face, scanning her eyes over her dorm (which was far from immaculate, unlike Chloe and Aubrey's apartment in the upperclassman quadrant of campus, but was presentable enough). She rolled up her sleeves as moved to fire up the Keurig.

"Why did you ask me for an icepack, by the way?" Chloe inquired, a confused look on her face. She held the blue freezer pack in one hand, a mug proclaiming "Aca Bitches For Life" in the other.

"Oh… well clumsy old me sorta smashed my brains under my bed getting the supplies," Beca admitted.

"Jeez- that wouldn't have happened if you didn't store your food box under there! I told you to just get a little cabinet for it just like everyone else!" Chloe replied, holding out the icepack and squeezing her hand over the other girl's as she received it.

It was a quick touch but it sent a paradoxical shock through Beca, who was holding the freezing cold ice pack but her entire body warmed at the touch of the other girl's hand. She swayed without realizing it.

"Hey are you sure you're all right?" Chloe said, care turning to concern. "Maybe you should sit down."

"I-I'm fine Chlo. Just give me a minute," Beca said, once again shielding her face. She absentmindedly took a swig of her scalding hot coffee, simultaneously singeing her tastebuds off and burning the hell out of her throat. She coughed but kept it in her mouth, refusing to spit take and look even stupider in front of her love interest.

"Beca stop dying on me!" Chloe clapped her on the back. "Are you concussed or something?"

"No what the fuck," Beca croaked defensively. "I just wasn't paying attention." She grit her teeth over her inability to function like a normal human being.

But that's what Chloe's touch could do to her. See, Chloe was affectionate, and didn't think anything of playful touches and the like. The boundaries that were set up were ones established by Beca. In the beginning of their budding friendship, Beca would freeze up at the soft touch that Chloe would touch her forearm with, cease to move if the redhead threw a casual arm around her shoulders. And occasionally she would downright refuse a touch, especially cuddling. She simply didn't know an appropriate response. This of course was all before the feelings grew to the next level.

But Beca grew better at acting out normal reactions, she knew she had to if she didn't want to blow the cover of her feelings. When she reciprocated touches or even instigated them, she was tentative and careful. She often overanalyzed her movements, scrutinizing her actions for stupidity.

Like now. But the stupidity was in abundance. She snuck a glance at Chloe, who was waiting for her coffee to cool like a normal person, flipping through this month's Rolling Stone magazine from Beca's nightstand.

She probably wrote off Beca's klutziness as her normal behavior. Beca opened her laptop and nearly slammed it shut when she saw that her Facebook was open, on Chloe Beale's profile page. She forgot that she had been lightly Facebook stalking her best friend last night before she went to bed. But she couldn't hide her small gasp, and Chloe turned to look at the object of Beca's surprise.

Chloe caught the glimpse of her own timeline photo, a picture of the Bella's celebrating after last year's win at the ICAAs.

"Becs is that my profile?"

"Y-Yeuppp. That's the one," she replied, her eyebrows raised comically.

"Ooh, seems I have a little stalker! Or a secret admirer," Chloe said, winking playfully.

"What are you talking about? I would NEVER be your secret admirer," Beca shot back, before realizing that she sounded insanely defensive and harsh. A look of vague hurt came over the redhead's features and her shoulders slumped a bit.

"Okay jeez, I was just kidding. You know that Beca..." Chloe said, a quizzical look in her eyes.

Beca quickly changed the subject to the schedule for rehearsal of the week and what was on the Bellas' agenda to practice. Things seemed normal for the rest of the morning. But what Beca didn't know is that in the back of Chloe's mind, she was still mulling over what Beca's strange behavior was about. She tucked it away to think about for later.


	3. Chapter 3:You're My Best Friend (Part 1)

**Thanks for the favorites and follows, and simply clicking on the story you guys! I'm putting a lot of myself into this, and it's nice to know that there's people out there that care to read it. Song included below is You're My Best Friend by Queen. Special thanks to TooLazyToLogin for my very first review! Enjoy!**

 _Ooh, you make me live_

 _You're the best friend_

 _That I ever had_

The familiar lyrics ran through Beca's head as she exited her last class of the week, Philosophy of Human Nature. Sitting through the last hour of the lecture was agonizing, especially as she could feel the sun's rays shining on her back through the window. She saw students throwing a frisbee around on the quad below, and kids riding longboards who sported bro tanks with sunglasses.

Her mind wandered to how she could mix the song that had been stuck in her head all day. She was on her way to the station, a place that she loved going, but it was another four hour barrier to the weekend. She wished that she could lay in the sun and fall asleep to music, maybe share the time with Chloe, but Beca had to work. Chloe was another distraction that kept her from tuning in to the lecture last period, because they were both going to a karaoke party later that night with a few of the girls.

Beca wasn't big into drinking before she went to Barden, she went to a practically mandatory blowout after high school graduation but that was about it. It was still odd being invited to things- especially events where everyone liked to get belligerent with their feelings and dance on tables and shit. She could usually hold it together pretty well though. And because her favorite redhead was going, it was all she needed to go.

 _I've been with you such a long time_

 _You're my sunshine_

 _And I want you to know_

 _That my feelings are true_

About two hours into her shift, Beca was stacking CDs for Luke, typical bitch work, when her hand froze on a Queen album. How odd that she found a rock and roll artist in the middle of the R&B section.

" _No… It couldn't be this album could it?"_ Beca asked herself, flipping over _A Night at the Opera_ , and sure enough, it was the one featuring You're My Best Friend on it.

" _This is just a normal coincidence, you moron, not a sign. Don't get too excited"_ she attempted to think rationally. But her calming process was aborted instantaneously when she heard the door to the broadcasting station open, the bell clacking against the glass. It wasn't just any old student. It was a bouncy-haired redhead.

" _Are you flipping serious right now?"_ Beca thought.

"Hey Becs! Is Luke here?" Chloe asked, looking around and before meeting Beca's shady blue eyes.

"N-no. Yes! I mean yes. He's in the booth, you can head on back… Girl," Beca forced out, mentally face-palming at her complete inability to keep it together.

"Oh… Kay. I'm just picking up a CD is all. See you tonight! Toodles!" Chloe said back, choosing not to address Beca's odd behavior.

Beca watched the ginger glide into the booth to be met with Luke's open arms, as he handed her a CD. They chatted for a minute or two and then Chloe exited, sliding her smart 1960s-style sunglasses onto her face as she left the building. Beca made eye contact through the glass window at Luke, who still had a smile on his face, but dropped when he was met with Beca's stare. She looked instead down to her hands to see that her knuckles were white, still gripped around Queen's _A Night at the Opera_ album.

That couldn't have been a sign, could it? Beca didn't outwardly believe in superstitious things. Not rabbit's' feet, or voodoo dolls, or any of that dumb shit. But she still paid attention to fortune cookies, still kept four-leaf clovers, and still made wishes on 11:11 when she spotted them. Hey, at least she didn't set alarms for the every 11:11 like Fat Amy did. But she couldn't help but ignore the You're My Best Friend occurrence.

The song had always stood out to her. When she was a child she was always down to listen to rock and roll with her dad. Hell, her lullabye track was mostly Queen, The Beatles, Kiss, and Bob Dylan. You're My Best Friend was always a wistful longing song for her, since she never had a best friend and it was something that she secretly wanted. However, as she grew older she looked into the histories of her favorite bands from growing up. She was previously unaware that Freddie Mercury was as gay as an eight-dollar bill, and the song could be about something more than friends. Perhaps he was disguising "best friend" to secretly be for a partner or a lover. It was just a theory.

But she felt it connected her to Chloe. The lyrics really lined up- after all, they were best friends. But the tenderness to the song was something that always touched her, even with a twangy outgoing sound that Beca's personality didn't necessarily have. She was embarrassed even to be thinking through song lyrics that had such affection in them, but it was better than thinking with her own formulation of words.

Before she knew it, her shift was over. She grabbed a quick bite at the Crab by herself before hurrying back to her dorm to pregame and get ready for the karaoke party later that night. No matter how the week always was, there was also limitless anticipation and energy for a Friday night in college. She smiled at the thought of her prime and cracked a Tall Boy.

" _What says hot but not in a 'I'm trying to jump your bones' way?"_ she wondered as she surveyed her closet, sipping the white foam off the top of the golden can. Beca may have been slightly socially awkward, but she always had style.

The brunette laid out a couple of pairings, tops with flannels, denims, etcetera. After ten minutes of deliberations, she settled on her charcoal grey combat boots, dark skinny jeans with a leather belt, a maroon burnout v-neck, and her sexy leather jacket. She always felt hot in tight clothes. Even though she could pack away a pizza or a large combo meal, her metabolism was a true homie and never showed the junk food through her figure.

Beca rolled her sleeves to the elbow and executed a nice smoky eye look, paired with her favorite ear cuff. Even though Aubrey would be there later and would definitely comment on the "ear monstrosities," she didn't care.

 _Whatever this world can give to me_

 _It's you, you're all I see_

Giving herself one last look in the mirror and crushing the beer can under her foot, Beca slipped her flask into her back pocket and left the dorm, ready for wherever the Friday night of partying would take her.

 **I wanted to lay a bit more of Beca's life into this one to make it seem more real, but don't worry, the party will have a lot more of the cast and dialogue! I surely wouldn't skip that. Reviews are welcome, tell me if you'd like to see anything! xo**


	4. Chapter 4:You're My Best Friend (Part 2)

**As promised, part two of what was continued! The plot thickens. As always, reviews are welcome, your thoughts are valued, or PM me if you'd like. Lyrics are You're My Best Friend by Queen again!**

Tonight was about living in the present.

" _You don't wear leather unless you're investing in the present,"_ Beca thought to herself, wondering who bestowed the oddly true pearl of wisdom upon her.

Now a couple of pints deep, Beca looked outside of herself and to her goofy, beautiful, fun-loving friends. Fat Amy had her arms thrown around Flo and Stacie, Cynthia Rose was belting out Beyonce to the streets, Aubrey and Chloe were discussing Chanel, and Lilly took up the back.

They were headed to the karaoke party at the Bard House, which was the mixing ground for acapella and theater kids of Barden on the weekends. There were always an abundance of characters such as sexually confused guys and hipster-shit types around. There was never a dull moment. The group had decided to walk the few blocks girl-pack style, under the streetlights past the mix of student houses that were alive with raucous college crowds and past adult houses that had the misfortune to sag next to boisterous neighbors. Cars passed, men occasionally catcalled out their windows.

Beca, a sort-of feminist, scowled but didn't really blame them. In their various crop tops and pencil skirts, smoky eyes and tights, she knew they were a sexual flame burning through the neighborhood.

 _I've been wandering round_

 _But I still come back to you_

And then they saw the house. Or really, heard it. The growing din of rapping, singing, shouting, and howling of the rowdy house as they turned the corner. Cars lined the block, and people overflowed from the porch and onto the lawn. One of the theater guys was screaming some shit about getting off the lawn before the cops came, but the Bellas strolled past the "wait list," granted admission by the "bouncers."

They snaked their way through the dense crowd, even louder on the inside of the small house and against already wet walls (a mixture of spilled beer, hot breath, and well, sweat). They came out on the other side where there were not one but two kegs being serviced by the Treblemakers. Jesse, one of Beca's earliest friends at BU, was manning one.

"Becawww! How's the night?" Jesse shouted cheerily, filling her Red Solo Cup with the golden wonder liquid. (Beca was still amazed that happiness could be poured from a metal barrel, even in her second year of college.)

"Hey Jesse!" She hated touching people, but she threw him into a one-armed hug, the alcohol motivating her.

He grinned in surprise. "Just for that, you've got free beer for the night!" At Barden, the parties were exclusive enough that you had to pay cover charges if you wanted alcohol. Unless you knew the keg man, that is. They both looked around to make sure no one was looking, but everyone was already beginning to pass the point from tipsy to drunk.

They chatted a little bit about their upcoming agendas in acapella, classes, and their work at the campus radio station.

"Thanks again Jesse. I'm sure I'll see you again tonight!" Beca went back inside to her friends just in time to see Fat Amy, Stacie, and Aubrey taking a shot ski.

"YEEEAH BITCHES!" Amy shouted, pumping her fists enthusiastically, before plucking a bottle of tequila out of the hand of a nearby boy, taking a deep swig.

The others laughed at his shock. "What? I didn't come all the way from Melbourne to get scolded by an American boy!" She shouted. Good old Amy.

After a couple more rounds, the girls were really starting to feel it. Words were starting to slur, heads were starting to spin. Besides the complete lack of personal space, Beca was comfortable. She loved to move when she was drunk, shake her head around unnecessarily, dance, or run around. When she was drunk, she didn't feel the need to block out emotions. She grew actually quite affectionate with alcohol, cuddly even.

Hell, even she knew that was better than being a mean drunk. But as she was about to learn, her honesty could sometimes get her in trouble.

A few of the Bellas were moving to the beat in a close circle in the living room, enjoying the night and the deliciousness of being carefree. Beca was tipping her latest drink to her lips when-

 _Ooh, you make me live now honey_

 _Ooh, you make me live_

Beca nearly spit-took Busch all over Cynthia Rose. Her eyes widened.

 _You're the best friend_

 _That I ever had_

This wasn't in her head this time. She froze. She saw two High Notes at the karaoke machine, standing on a table and swaying to the lyrics that they were screeching. Before she had a second to process that the song had showed up _again,_ she felt a tap on her shoulder.

Cynthia Rose, not Chloe. "Girl what are you thinking about? You look like- I mean, what the fuck do you have that disappointed look on your mug for?" Cynthia Rose asked.

Beca's processing speed was greatly reduced, given the circumstances, as well as her ability to craft a lie. "Um… Yeah totally nothing. Everything is A-okay…" Beca said, nodding to convince herself.

"No no no, girl, I asked you what you were thinking about."

"Just how great this party is, duh!" Beca cringed. It totally didn't sound like her.

"I'm not gonna ask you again, Nilla Wafer. What's going on?"

" _What the hell, since when did Cynthia Rose become a detective,"_ Beca thought.

"Come outside with me," Beca said, leading her to the backyard.

Beca took a deep breath, looking up to the starry sky for answers that weren't there.

"Well it's really hard to explain because I suck at feelings and I can't ever articulate normally much less now but I've had this song stuck in my head all day and it's the one by Queen about friends and love and I put the two together and realize that I think I love one of our friends too much and I'm about to be in so much fucking trouble for telling you this because I know you're going to remember tomorrow because jeez you can really hold your alcohol but I have feelings for Chloe and I am reminded of that every time I think of 'You're My Best Friend' and now they're singing it inside," Beca blurted out, sucking in a deep breath after she laid it all out.

Cynthia Rose's eyebrows shot sky high, and she grabbed for Beca's cup, chugging the rest of it. Beca studied the toes of her combat boots.

"Damn. You straight girls are always more curious than you seem."

"I guess you could say I'm a little wavy, recently." She laughed uncontrollably at her own lame joke.

Cynthia Rose looked at her with concern. "Wait did you only tell me this because I'm the token gay friend..?"

"No, you asked, remember? But come to think of it, you could probably give me some answers?" Beca asked hopefully.

The bigger girl nodded slowly. "You sure as shit got some things to sort out. Is this the first time that you've ever been attracted to women before?"

Beca laughed nervously, even though it wasn't a joke. Nobody had ever asked her this before. She looked around the backyard to make sure nobody she knew was listening.

"Not until recently. But it's just that I feel such a strong connection to her. She makes me feel like I can do anything. She makes me feel valued, that was the first enticing thing about her," she sighed. "And she is drop-dead gorgeous. I've always loved gingers, and those eyes. And every damn time she touches me, it feels like fire is shooting all throughout, and-"

"I get it. Does Chloe have any idea how you feel?"

Beca grit her teeth. "That's the thing. I don't want her to find out. As much as she's been the fire that keeps me going, I can't let her know about… How I feel." What would Chloe even think? "I- I think it would ruin our friendship. And also ruin the group dynamic of the Bellas."

It was Cynthia Rose's turn to sigh. "That's true. It could change the group forever. But Beca… I had no idea. That you weren't straight, that you've been keeping so much bottled up inside, that you have such strong feelings. But I really think that this is something that needs to be brought to light."

"No! Cynthia Rose, you can't tell anyone. Promise you won't tell anyone. This is something that has to stay between us." The small brunette panicked. "Nobody can know about this. I know that we aren't the closest friends in the crew, but I would never be able to look anyone in the face again if they knew."

"I won't tell. But I really think you should. And it's not something that you have to be embarrassed about. You're attracted to whoever you're attracted to. Remember that it's the person, not the gender. It took me a couple of years to realize that. But I can save you that time if you listen to me now."

Beca looked into her eyes. She could see that Cynthia Rose had been through some shit too. Just as she was about to thank her, someone hip-bumped her.

"Whatcha talking about there, Joan Jett?" Chloe said, winking as she looked Beca up and down. She did kind of resemble the rocker tonight.

Beca's mouth stood slightly agape and her eyes slid to meet Cynthia Rose's.

"Think about it home fry," the short-haired girl said, looking at both and then headed back into the house.

The redhead waited expectantly for an answer. Beca furrowed her brow. Perhaps it was the warmth that the alcohol brought, or the feeling that finally some of the weight of her secret was lifted. But she looked into Chloe's eyes and felt like she was irrevocably sinking.

"Beca is something wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?" A look of concern dusted over Chloe's bright features.

Beca's thoughts seemed to be coated with heavy molasses. She stuck her hands into her back pockets, pulling out her flask. She held it out to Chloe first, she was going to need it.

Chloe took a swig and grimaced at the acidic taste of the vodka, before handing it back to Beca, who double-chugged. The backyard seemed a little less active than a few songs prior. People were starting to pass out.

" _You're the first one_

 _When things turn out bad_

 _You know I'll never be lonely_

 _You're my only one_

 _And I love the things_

 _I really love the things that you do_

 _You're my best friend."_

Beca could see Chloe's shining blue eyes studying her. She could tell that she recognized the song. She couldn't get out of this one. Chloe took a step closer, lightly placing her hand into Beca's.

"Are you going to be sick?" The question barely made it through to the DJ's brain as a tumultuous wave of emotions and desire and need overtook her. Her body was flushed with heat from the contact, and then everything became slow motion.

She summoned the courage to look into Chloe's eyes, bridging the reduced distance between the two. Chloe still looked worried, but managed to look beautiful regardless. It was the last image Beca had of her before her own eyes fluttered shut and she leaned in, breaking the physical distance.

Beca's lips connected with Chloe's unbelievably soft, pillowy ones; her head angled up and slightly to the side, pushing gently. One hand cupped the side of Chloe's face, her fingertips barely touching ginger locks, but Chloe's hands remained at her own sides. For the briefest seconds, Chloe responded to the surprising kiss. Her eyes fell shut and her mouth shifted open slightly, her tongue along Beca's bottom lip, a shallow breath, and her hand travelled to Beca's side. Just as it seemed Chloe was about to get lost in the moment, Beca felt her body go rigid and the hand that the ginger had on the brunette's side pushed her away instead of drawing closer.

Chloe's eyes snapped open as she leaned back, taking a small step away. "Beca… I don't…" The look on her face was almost hurt, it was so confused and so lost in its shock.

Beca's worst fears were coming alive. This wasn't a daydream, this was actually happening. For the amount of times that Beca had dreamed about kissing Chloe Beale, there were just as many scenarios that she had imagined that ended as horribly as this one.

Beca heard a gasp. It came from her own lungs, her body betraying her yet again that night.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so sorry, Chloe. I'm so sorry."

Beca turned abruptly and strode with conviction toward to house, leaving the ginger in her wake, who was still too stunned to move.

She rushed by the Bellas, the theater boys, the High Notes, that fucking horrible karaoke machine that had ruined everything, past Cynthia Rose's inquiry of "how it went" and out the front door of the house.

 _Whenever this world is cruel to me…_

 _Ooh, you make me live._

 **It's not over yet, folks. Can Chloe salvage their friendship, can Beca patch things up? Stay tuned. xo**


	5. Chapter 5: Hollow

Life had lost its meaning. Beca felt as if she ceased to exist.

It was less painful that way. The llast year of her exponential personal growth was eradicated as she returned to her old ways, as if her life had never been any different. This meant shutting people out, focusing only on her mixes, staying in, and sure as hell not seeing the Bellas and Chloe Beale.

All she could feel was emptiness. She didn't know emptiness had such an acute feeling as this did. She pictured her body as hollow, a shell that was cavernous with dark unimaginable depth; no room for intestines, bones, or crucial functioning organs. Beca wouldn't have been aware that her heart was still pumping blood unless she checked her pulse. It was the last living thing in her life.

Laying in her bed for the fifth straight day, time no longer mattered. Fuck classes, fuck the students of Barden, fuck her feelings. All they ever did was betray her with false hope for a better future, and open her up to feeling. They all said the same thing about living in the present and enjoying the best times of their lives, but how could she? Did wearing the same clothes for days on end, eating Top Ramen to avoid the social situations of the Crab, and becoming a recluse really sound like the best time of her life?

She had never known such hurt. She hated herself for succumbing to her admiration for Chloe Beale, she never should have acted on her feelings much less acknowledged them in the first place. How could she ever have thought that would end okay? Beca was angry at herself for her own stupidity. She couldn't fathom how other normal people could ever be in relationships with such a terrifying margin of disastrous rejection as a possibility.

While Beca was stewing in her misery, Kimmy Jin entered their room. Beca kept her back to the Korean like she had for the last five days, but she felt a poke in her shoulder.

"You have to get up. I don't know what's going on with you, but you're starting to stink," Kimmy Jin said coldly. Their relationship wasn't the best, but Kimmy Jin knew her roommate had gone off the deep end for some reason. But she couldn't take it anymore.

"That doesn't mean I have to get up. Go away," Beca replied, irritated.

"Take a shower. That's all I ask."

"Literally, why? Just don't be in the room."

"My friends are starting to ask why I have been asking to sleep on their couches every night. I tried to give you space but I can't take this."

Frankly, Beca didn't give a shit about Kimmy Jin's friends. But she saw it would be easier to take a shower than to stay in her presence. As she grabbed her caddy and robe, Kimmy Jin said one more thing.

"By the way, your manager Luke ran into me and said he needed your mix. He said it's three days late and if you don't turn it in today, you're fired."

Beca was shocked. She couldn't leave this part of her life to rot too. She couldn't lose this job. Not after she had lost anything else. This was the last thing that was keeping her tethered.

The small brunette showered quickly and when she reentered her room, there was no sign of Kimmy Jin. She dressed in Vans, sweats, and a hoodie because she didn't give a shit for appearances. She grabbed the USB drive that she kept her mixes on and headed to the station.

The sky was overcast and bland, gloomy without being cozy. This frustrated Beca even more for some reason, perhaps she felt that a thunderstorm or pelting rain would be more appropriate considering her mood.

When she finally pulled open the door to the station, she was hit with her favorite smell in the world. That of old vinyls and musty album covers. Making her way back to the booth, the DJ wasn't even going to attempt to make excuses explaining her absence to Luke, but she surely wasn't about to grovel and beg to keep her job. There was a dropbox outside of the booth for demos, mixes, and returned music materials. Beca dropped her flashdrive in and was about to knock on the window to get Luke's attention, when what she saw behind the glass made her heart freeze.

Beca gasped like she had a punctured lung. It had been the fiery red hair that caught her eye. Chloe. Chloe, who was laughing but the sound was blocked by the soundproofed walls. Chloe, who was now leaning down to Luke. Chloe, who was kissing Luke.

The world seemed to tear in half from the ceiling to the foundation of the building. Beca could feel a furious ferocity rising in her. She ripped down a student band poster off the wall, flipping it over while she uncapped a black Sharpie with her teeth. In a font that could only be described as enraged, she wrote "YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, BECAUSE I QUIT."

She slapped it to the window with all the strength she could absolutely muster, which was a surprising amount for a slight 5'2" girl. She reveled in the the way that the two jumped apart from each other with looks of shock on their faces. Chloe wore the same shock that she had at the Bard house what felt like a lifetime ago. There was an element of hurt there, too.

Beca whirled away, dashing out the station and ran to where her Subaru Outback was parked at the dorm. Climbing in with nothing but the clothes on her back, Beca drove blindly without a direction for miles away from campus. She wanted to be sure she wouldn't accidentally run into anyone she knew. It was growing dark now. Beca pulled off the highway near a road sign boasting a diner and a couple of hotels.

The streetlights flicked on, and the buzz reminded her of the desolate loneliness. For the first time in years, tears began to stream out of her eyes. They were big tears, welling up and blazing thick trails down her cheeks and chin. They were the tears that significant pain brought, not the mist brought on by a greeting card or the end of _Titanic_. Beca could taste the salt as a stray one fell on her lips.

She could not believe that these were the same lips that Chloe's had been on five days earlier. Five days of eternity, empty infinity stretching forth to magnify the stupidity of her actions. Beca thought the signs were there though. And not just the ones from You're My Best Friend that had popped up everywhere. She thought the way that Chloe touched her denoted hidden meaning. Who grabs someone else's hands that much, rubs their back, feeds someone else bites of macaroni off their fork? Who spoons their friend in bed during movie marathons, tells them frequently how much they love being around them? Those were things that people who had stronger feelings than friendship did for their counterparts.

Why had Chloe led her on like that then? She had to have known the effect that she had. Come to find out, Chloe had probably just been with Luke all along. All of the visits to the station weren't to see Beca, they were to see _her man_.

Beca sat with her forehead resting on the steering wheel. She couldn't even hate Chloe. As much as she tried to , she just couldn't. Deep down, somewhere that she couldn't identify, she knew that Chloe had not been trying to manipulate her, or lead her on purposely. A person with such elegant beauty, such life in their shining blue eyes could not hurt another person intentionally like that. Beca had never seen Chloe be anything but caring towards others, and she loved so selflessly. It was a quality that Beca knew she herself could never be. But Beca couldn't tell Chloe that. She couldn't talk to her anymore.

At the same time, she knew that Chloe wouldn't go around telling everyone that Beca wasn't straight. At the very furthest, she would tell Aubrey of the situation to get it sorted out in her head. _That_ was the worst case scenario. Another reason why Beca couldn't manage to hate her.

The brunette thought that getting away from campus for a few hours would give her some resolve, make her feel better. The only thing that it did was tell her who she needed to talk to. The ball was in Chloe's court, but Beca would have to wait for the redhead to come to her to talk.

With the parting thought, she started up the Subi and pulled a U-turn, driving the hour back to Barden and her dorm. It was late now and she was ready to collapse in bed, finding some comfort in the thought that Kimmy Jin would not be there again. But she failed to notice the strip of light under her door, indicative of an occupant, and was met by the sight of Chloe Beale sitting at her desk.

 **Another cliff hanger ending, sorry if this chapter was a bit dark! The next chapter will be less angsty, I promise. As always thanks for the views and please give feedback! xo**


	6. Chapter 6: Reconciliation

Beca had two simultaneous urges. The first was to slam the door and never come back. The second was to run into Chloe's arms.

The ginger had a look of such concern on her face that it rooted Beca's legs to the spot she stood in, though trembling. There was love on that face, too.

"Beca. Come in, and shut the door please." Beca thought it funny that she was being cordially invited into her own living space, but silently obeyed.

"I know that we have a lot to talk about. Things have been weird, but it's nothing we can't get through. Please, will you come back to the Bellas?"

Beca felt a familiar rage building up inside again. "Really, Chloe? The only reason that you came here was to get me to rejoin the damn group? There's more to this fucking life than acapella. You can't sing your way to problems or answers." She paused. "I should know."

Chloe winced. "No, that's not the only reason that you need to come back. The Bellas need you, and as much as you won't admit it to yourself, you need the Bellas. I need you too."

"Tell me how I'm needed. Because I really don't see how I am. I've been gone for five days, it's not like the world ended." Beca had received a few texts from the girls asking where she was or if they could do anything to help her, and Cynthia Rose had even come by to slip a condolence note under the door. They noticed she was gone, but it seemed like they were fine in the wake of her absence.

"The dynamic is off. Aubrey thinks she has world dominance, Fat Amy has no one to banter with, and we can't seem to get any of the songs in our set to flow. You're the cog that makes the machine work."

"I'm sure that you can just go back to what you were doing before I got here last year," the younger girl replied coldly.

"The Bellas changed forever when you joined. It's not like we can just erase the past."

"If I could erase the past, I sure as hell would."

"Why Beca?" spat Chloe, using her name like a weapon. "Is it because you actually developed feelings? Healthy emotions that you can express like a normal person? Why don't you realize that humans like each other because of their _humanness,_ not their robotic denial of imperfection," Chloe softened, sitting next to Beca on the bed.

Beca now had tears in her eyes. She looked out the window but it was dark outside, so she was only met with the glare of the overhead light within the room and her own vague reflection.

"Because all that does is get me in trouble."

Chloe sighed and grabbed the brunette's hand. "No, no no nonono. I know that opening up like that was probably the hardest thing you've ever done. I'm grateful and hateful of myself for it, though. It means so much to me that you would trust me to do that-"

"Only because I was drunk-"

"...But I hate myself because of how I reacted. I have to say it plainly. I'm straight. I mean, I've had those thoughts before too, envisioned 'what if's,' even made out with a girl once or twice before. But I was just so stunned when you kissed me, so shocked because I never thought of you as anything but straight. I was speechless, and you took that as hate, or disgust. And I could never hate you or be disgusted by you."

A tear dropped out of the corner of Beca's eye, but she let it roll down her cheek for the second time that night.

"I just feel… So stupid. I… I thought that you were giving me signs. Every touch, every affectionate phrase seemed to have a double meaning. Before I knew it, I had a crush on you. I've never felt this way about girls before, or feelings this strong for anyone in general. I'm sorry that it had to be you, because even if we can't be anything more, you mean the world to me, Chloe Beale." 

It was Chloe's turn to cry. She squeezed Beca's hand. "You're the best friend that I've ever had."

Beca's body was wracked with a sob at the statement which doubled as the line from You're My Best Friend. Chloe gently rubbed circles onto the other girl's back.

"Well, at least neither you haven't been in the dark very long…" Beca said with a weak chuckle, but Chloe could tell that there was a falsity to her statement.

"How… long have you liked me?"

Beca's mind raced for an appropriate answer. _Since they won at nationals? No, too cheesy. Since you broke into my shower to sing with me? No, too sexual-seeming. Since the activities fair? No… too honest._

The silence stretched on.

"That long, huh?" Chloe said softly, mentally reviewing the last fourteen months of their history. It's true, the signs had been there. The redhead had just thought that was Beca being coaxed out of her shell.

"I- I promise that I'll put this feelings to rest. I just- you're so infinitely beautiful and gorgeous and caring and loveable that I couldn't resist. It may take some time, but eventually… Eventually I'll reach a point that I will wonder how I ever wanted to be anything more than friends. I promise."

"Take your time, my friend," Chloe said, and hesitated. She lowered her voice a bit. "But I'm sorry if you have to see Luke and I together in the meantime."

"How long have you guys been dating?" Beca squeezed her eyes shut.

"He asked me to be his girlfriend two weeks ago. I was waiting for the right time to tell you, but I didn't want to make things weird for you over at the station and all."

"I promise that I won't make things weird, I'll just keep stacking my CDs and submitting my mixes and it will be like nothing ever happened, even if you do visit the station."

"Well you did sort of quit today, though."

Holy shit. How did that slip Beca's mind?

"Ohhhh. I don't know what I was thinking."

"I already told Luke that I would talk to you about it. Don't worry. He said that if I could talk you down, than he could pretend that it never happened and you can keep working there."

"Thanks, Chloe," Beca said. "For everything. You sure did fuck a lot up for me, but you did more than fix it."

"Does that mean you're coming back to the Bellas too?"

"Of course. What would I do without you aca-bitches?"

Chloe smiled a radiant smile, and enveloped her best friend in a warm hug, their hearts beating in sync against one another.

 **I thought about making this story longer, but this seems like a good place to lay it to rest. I hope you guys enjoyed it, and I will continue to make different Bechloe stories with various situations, lengths, and outcomes. Much love.**


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